I went through the Big D and I don't mean Dallas ( Thank you Mark Chestnut for those catchy lyrics)

I feel I should say one more time that I only want this blog to be an encouragement to others.  I love facebook, but sometimes it leaves me feeling depressed.  I must be a bad mom because I am not feeding my children kale and grass fed beef.  I must be a bad wife because I haven’t had a date night with my husband in who knows when.  I must be a loser because I didn’t workout and then post a picture of me drenched in sweat so everyone would know that I indeed did workout.  I must be unsuccessful because I have not built a new home and I live in a middle class neighborhood and I have duct tape holding one of my linoleum tiles down in the kitchen. True story by the way.  I’ll post a picture later.  People! It is driving me mad.  Theodore Roosevelt had it right when he said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”  I’m not saying we have to dish all of our problems out, but let’s be real.  So, that is what I want to be, real….  Sometimes people need to see our struggles, especially when you are a Christian.  What better way to minister to someone then to let them see you going through a rough time and then see God lift  you out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire and set your feet upon the rock and give you a firm place to stand. (Psalm 40:2- memorize this when you are having a hard time)  Ok, so now I am about to get really real and tell you about my divorce.

 

I usually only share this information if I feel like it will benefit someone or offer encouragement, but you guys totally gave me such great feedback for being honest and open on my last post that I am going to lay it all out there. J I’ll spare you the gritty details.  I was a teen mom.  I had McKenzie when I was barely 18 years old.  I turned 18 in December and had Kenzie-Girl in February.  I remember the day that my middle sister and I told my parents that I was pregnant.  I still have nightmares where I am reliving that moment.  Seeing the hurt on my father and mother’s face.  I still get emotional about it to this day.  I broke their hearts.  I met McKenzie’s dad when I was 15.  It was bad news from the start.  I spent over 2 years of completely disobeying my parents and sneaking behind their backs to see McKenzie’s dad. This was not a relationship that had God’s blessing. I’m always telling my kids that the choices you make now as teenagers WILL affect you for the rest of your life. My choice not only affected me, but my daughter has to deal with the consequences of my sin. Even though God has wiped away my sin there are still consequences. I married Kenzie-Girl’s dad when I was 17 shortly after I found out I was pregnant……..  Seventeen. Years. Old…………Let me step in for a moment and tell you my parents had me in church all the time.  I was raised in a loving environment.  I was taught good morals and saw my parents in a loving marriage.  I turned away from God.  I chose my way. You know because who isn’t a flipping genius when they are 17?  J  My parents made sure I was taken care of, that I had reliable transportation to drive, and that we had an apartment to live in, but my parents also let me deal with the consequences of my poor choices.  That was the best thing they could have ever done for me.  I am grateful to them for that and if anyone knows me you know when I need advice my parents are the first ones I call, then my sisters. I say that to reiterate that your child will not hate you forever when you let them suffer the consequences of a poor choice.  We need to let our kids know and feel those consequences.  You can imagine that the marriage did not last long.  I’m not going to go into detail because it was bad, very bad. BUT he is Kenzie-Girl’s father and if I talk bad about him then I’m talking bad about her because she is part of him. Obviously, I do vent to my sisters, parents, and Kevin.  Sometimes I fail and say something bad about him when McKenzie is around, but I do try my very best not to.  Ladies that have recently gone through a divorce or maybe you are going through one now.  It does get easier.  Try not to talk bad about your ex-husband in front of your children.  I know it’s hard.  I know!  Find someone who can be a Godly mentor to you that you can share your feelings with.  So by this time I am a 19 year old single mom.  Kenzie was 18 months old. I was terrified. Of course, my parents and sisters were there to pick me up and dust me off. 

God opened the door for me to get a job as a receptionist with a cardiologist in Searcy.  He was such a kind man.  I worked 8 hour days Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday and ½ days on Wednesday and Friday. He still paid me for a 40 hour week.  Again, God knew what I needed before I did and he took care of a frightened 19 year old and her baby.  My oldest sister lived in Searcy at that time which is one of the reasons I wanted to move here.  Stephanie went through a terrible divorce after almost 20 years of marriage.  Hopefully one day I can get her to write something for me to put on her because she is pretty awesome and I know she would have some wisdom to share.  Stephanie told me that I would be going to church with them that first Sunday I had moved to Searcy. I did not want to. I was so ashamed of my situation.  I was humiliated.  I was tired.  I finished my senior year of high school as a pregnant teen and worked full time to make ends meet. I was drained.  But, being the best big sister Stephanie is she met me at the door and took me to the preschool hall.  The same hall that 13 years later I would be in charge of running. God is good, isn’t he?!?  The most precious couple I’ve ever met came up to me and introduced themselves. Ross & Carol Pyeatt.  If you know them then you know you are blessed that God allowed you to meet such wonderful people. Carol was the preschool director then and Ross was the Minister of Education.  They took me in and loved on me when I felt unlovable.  After Carol peeled Kenzie-Girl off of me, I made my way to the singles department.  I was so nervous I thought I was going to pee-pee in my new pantsuit that my momma bought for me.  God bless my momma.  The most adorable man and his wife met me at the door. Elwin & Marilyn Ollar.  If it was not for these two rallying around me I would not be where I am today. These two have a heart for the divorced.  We could use more Elwin & Marilyn’s in this world! 

Some churches are apprehensive to minister to divorced people. That is not the case with Searcy First Baptist Church. This church took me and Kenzie-Girl in and loved us, they ministered to us, and they let me know that just because I was divorced that God was not done with me.  He had great plans for me and I was exactly where I needed to be.  Guys, I’m in tears right now thinking how amazing God is to me! Who am I that he would love me as his own?? While I was going through this rough time there was a man named Kevin going through the same thing, I would meet my future husband 3 months after I started going to FBC and most of you know, Kevin and I met in the singles department at church.  God is faithful.  He IS for you! He DOES love you! I love Francesca Battistelli’s song, He knows my name.  This is my favorite part of the song,

I spent today in a conversation

In the mirror face to face with

Somebody less than perfect

I wouldn’t choose me first if

I was looking for a champion

In fact I’d understand if

 You picked everyone before me

But that’s just not my story

True to who you are

You saw my heart

 And made

Something out of nothing

I’m so happy that God has chosen me and that he knows my name. 

Sisters (and brothers), if you have been through a divorce or are going through one you need to know there is light at the end of that tunnel.  God is not through with you and yes, church is exactly where you belong. I’ve been divorced a 12 years now. It does get better.  You will not be this sad forever. If you stay in God’s word and spend time with God daily you will even be able to forgive your ex-spouse.

 

Friends that have not been through a divorce. If you know someone going through one make it a point to send them an encouraging text once or twice a week, call them, or send them a card. I love getting a letter in the mailbox!  It’s like Christmas especially when it is not a bill!

 

Church- A little over ½ of our population is divorced.  I feel safe to say that this is a ministry that we need to throw ourselves into. We need to pour out God’s love on these individuals.  We need to love them where they are just like Jesus did and continues to do.

In the book “Walk”, by G. Campbell Morgan, he writes the following:

He (Jesus) met their varied needs with strong, tender words and spoke to each one a message of peace and courage.  In Matthew 9, six lives were changed after encounters with the problem-solving Savior. Yours will be too when you stop looking at your problem and focus on the problem solver.

I pray that I will meet people where they are and love them no matter what they’ve done or been through. I pray that I will stop focusing on my problems, but focus on the one who can solve them. EVEN if I don’t like the way he solves them, I need to move out of the way because who am I to question God?

Blessings,

Katie

He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. Psalms 147:3

I had too much to say about divorce so my next post will be about meeting Kevin, our extremely short engagement, and the trials of blended families.  Kevin and I just had our 10^th anniversary this past September.  Blended families, it does get easier, and it is worth it, but let me be a broken record.  You need to find a church home if you haven’t and you need to find a Godly mentor to help you through.